I decided to post again to vent about the last two hours of my life. I call it “negotiating with terrorists”. The kids are definitely insurgents here to take down the sanity of the man. After we got home from dance I fed them, Philip of course would only eat hotdogs but he wanted 100 thousand of them. If he saw how they were made he may change his mind. Literally hotdogs and chicken nuggets all week. I don’t know who is closer to a heart attack him or me. Afterwards I sat them all down in chairs and tried the good cop negotiating. I said, guys we have to clean this barnyard up so mommy doesn’t lose her mind when she comes back. No fighting, no playing, no talking like a baby just clean up. Start in the basement, I’ll give you 20 minutes and then we will switch floors. They have me a whistle to blow when time is up and headed down. I worked on the main floor while they were down there. Within 20 seconds I heard someone playing the drumset. I said to myself no reason to waterboard yet just give them 20 minutes and let them surprise you. After 20 minutes I blew the whistle and they came up. We started to pick up things on the main floor but they just held them and did nothing. So I sent them up to clean their rooms. After I finished my room I decided to go check the basement. It looked almost worse than it did before they went down. Getting close to boiling point. I went upstairs and lily was in Maddys room and Philip was playing in his room. Their rooms all still a wreck. Insert bad cop. I lost it I said, “everyone in bed now”. Why? Cause I’m gonna go postal if you don’t. What does that mean? You don’t want to find out get in bed now. You all haven’t done a single thing I asked. You can either go to bed or line up for spanking. Philip ran to his bed, lily said she wanted to clean. That’s not one of the choice, did I stutter? What’s stutter? GOE TO BED. And they all did. I told them they could get up early and try to redeem themselves, but given the previously posted short term memory problem I have my doubts. I could not be more ready to have Keri back. Even though her sons were more awesome than most (at least her youngest), I am in awe of how my mother was able to do this everyday and have her own business. Moms, I’m sure I will have to be reminded time and time again (because of the short term memory problem that apparently I have passed down) but you all are amazing people and you can have your job back! Hopefully no one will be offended by me calling it your job but let’s be honest, it is the hardest job in the world and it is mostly done by moms and you don’t even get minimum wage! Where’s the female Al Sharpton when you need her. And don’t even think about striking because the world would literally implode without you.
