First of all, Let me preface this post with the recognition that I am not a good husband and occasionally my wife and I argue like cats and dogs. Sometimes I want to smother her with a pillow and sometimes I sleep with one eye open because she knows about my life insurance. Ultimately I made a promise to her, God, my friends and family that I would be there for her for better or for worse and she did the same. That is not a promise to be taken lightly! When people tell me that they fell out of love it makes me cringe for a couple of reasons.
1. MARRIAGE IS A BIG DEAL! find out before you make that promise if you are in love. If there is any question, don’t freakin do it!
2. When you are at that place in your marriage that you are falling out of love, that is the “for worse”. This is when your promise means the most.
Life is really freakin hard and getting married isn’t meant to make it easy, it’s to have someone to help you on the journey. Here’s another revelation, kids are terribly selfish little turds. You were when you were a kid and now you deserve it. But here’s the catch, it doesn’t last forever and eventually they’re pretty awesome. Then I hear they turn into selfish turds again and then back to awesome. My point is, the “worse” point in a marriage isn’t when your old, sick and frail and you’re changing your spouses’ bedpan, thats the “sickness”. The “worse” is when you are struggling financially, kids are taking all your energy, never sleeping, you are trying to figure out what you are going to do with your life, and trying to move up from below taking out the trash on the list of importance to your spouse. This is the “worse” of a marriage for which you have promised to be there. My parents were divorced when I was three and I don’t remember them together; but I will say, it was not easier for either one of them. When you find yourself on the list below taking out the trash, the grass looks pretty green; but that grass is rye grass and it gets super green when it is cold and gloomy, but when the season passes and the sun comes out, it dies and looks like the dog peed on the whole yard! So again, I am a pretty bad husband but here are some things I have read or realized that help me get through the “worse”:
1. Out love your spouse. Here’s the deal, if you give love, you get love pretty easy in every part of your relationship. Guys, If you don’t believe me think about what happens if you give her a back rub……..exactly.
2. I married the woman I love and I loved her so much that I told everyone that either of us knew at our wedding that I loved her. All 400 of those people witnessed me telling her that I loved her and that I would love her through the “for worse”. If I choose to bail at the “for worse” then I owe 400 people and God an apology for lying to them.
3. Someday the kids are gonna be awesome. We get glimpses in between them crapping themselves when they are young but eventually the awesome overshadows the selfishness.
4. Do something unexpected. This goes for BOTH of you. This morning I knew that my wife hated getting Maddy ready for school early by herself when she hasn’t slept well. I recently have been sleeping in and not helping because, like I said, I’m not a good husband and I was tired. So I got up and made Maddy’s lunch. In return she made me a cup off coffee. Both little things but both showed that we love each other and are in this together.
Which brings me back to point 1. Try everyday to out love your spouse and they in return will try to out love you until you are showing so much love to each other that everyone around you wants to vomit. That my friends is “the better” till death do you part.